Shake and the Beanstalk
by NeoMark
Summary: Shake sells Carl's car for magic jellybeans


_**Shake and the Beanstalk**_

It was a typical day in the home of the Aqua Teens in Seattle, New Jersey.

That's when Shake came running into Frylock's room.

"Frylock! I need money! Quick, give me a cow!"

Frylock only gave Shake a glance from the side as he just resumed typing on his computer.

Shake just stood there for a moment before speaking up again.

"Frylock… did you not here me?"

"You know we don't have a cow, right?" Frylock stated without even looking at Shake.

"Yeah…" Shake pulls out a book. "But look at this book I took from a kid down the street!"

Now is when Frylock turned around, but only because he didn't like what Shake just said.

"You _stole_ a kid's book?!"

"Jack and the beanstalk!" Shake clarified. "In it, this shmuck named Jack sold his cow for beans, which led him to castle in the sky and-"

"I KNOW HOW THE STORY WORKS, SHAKE!" Frylock snapped before calming down. "I also know that it's a fairy tale, a work of fiction meant to entertain small children. Not a recorded event!"

"Ah, Frylock, ye of little faith. This is a genuine non-fiction like the Highl-"

"The Highlander is just a damn movie, Shake." Frylock stated, annoyed by his roommate's delusions. "Just give the kid his damn book back!"

"So… you won't give me a cow?" Shake questioned.

Frylock just turned his back to Shake and just resumed typing.

It took seconds but Shake quickly lost his temper and simply walked away. Once he came into the hallway, Meatwad came rolling in.

"Hey y'all! I got Carl's car keys!" Meatwad said. This made Shake stop and look to Meatwad in surprise. "Carl's gone swimmin' and I just rolled over and took em so that he don't get them boys wet."

Shake immediately swiped the keys from Meatwad's orb body.

"A car? Hmm… that's definitely better than a cow. Perhaps I can get magic beans with this?" Shake theorized. That's when he ran down the hallway. "Come, Meatwad! Let us make myself rich beyond my wildest dreams with magical beans!"

* * *

Shake took a crowbar and smashed Carl's driver car window.

"You know you got the key, right boy?" Meatwad asks.

* * *

"YOU SOLD HIS CAR FOR BEANS?!"

It's been a few hours since that morning, and since then, Shake did as he and Meatwad intended.

"Indeed!" Shake held out what he sold the car for in his hand. "Behold, Fryman! Magic beans!"

Frylock took a look at Shake's hand, seeing 5 small objects. One is purple, one is yellow, one is green, one is blue and one is orange.

"Shake!" Frylock shouted again. "THOSE ARE (WINDOW CRASH) JELLYBEANS, YOU IDIOT!"

"_Magical_ jellybeans, Frylock!" Shake corrected him. "The kid at the playground said so!"

Frylock shut his eyes and turned around, heading back to his room from the living room they are in now.

"I'm just gonna head back inside… you do whatever you want."

Shake just cackled and looked to the beans.

"Now… what next?" He questioned.

"Well… Jack's mom threw the beans out… but them old boys went under the dirt." Meatwad stated.

"Well… I do want them to grow. Quick, Meatwad! What do plants use to grow? I mean… I already know but I'm asking you to make sure of it." He lied that last part, obviously.

"Well… plants need water."

"And water it shall have!"

* * *

Shake makes a hole for the jellybeans and puts them in there. Then, after covering the whole with dirt, pokes into Carl's pool with a sword and lets the water fall out and soak the entire ground.

"Okay! There's the water! Let's go Meatwad!"

Shake and Meatwad returned to the house. But once they returned to the living room, Frylock was there, looking disapprovingly at the antics of his roommates.

"Seriously?! If you're gonna steal a car, at least sell it for the actual price!" He stated.

"By tomorrow, we're gonna be billionaires! Now go to bed!"

"It's 5 in the afternoon…" Meatwad stated.

"Go to bed!" Shake ordered.

* * *

Morning arrived and the sound of something breaking out of the ground. It caught the attention of one man in particular.

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

There was a knocking at the door.

"**HEY! FRYMAN! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!**"

Frylock awakens from his bed and hovered to the door. He opened the door.

"What is it, Carl?" Frylock yawned.

"**LOOK OUTSIDE!**" Carl shouted.

Frylock hovered out the door and, to his shock, there was a beanstalk leading from the ground where Carl's pool used to be and it was going all the way into the sky.

"Oh… my… god…"

Shake and Meatwad came out of the house and also saw the beanstalk as well.

"Ha! I knew it!" Shake said mockingly.

"Also… where's my car?!" Carl added.

Shake just rolled his eyes away.

"Oh… no idea. Must've been someone else who sold for something other than beans… BUT… there might be a golden egg up there! Like in Jack and the Beanstalk!"

"Really? A golden egg?" Carl asked, sounding interested. "Alright… let's do it. Get your ass up there and bring the gold!"

"YEAH!" Shake shouted as he looked to Frylock. "Go up there!"

"Oh hell no!" Frylock stated. "You planted the seeds, you get your ass up there!"

"Okay! I can! But… my legs are tired so-"

"Fine! We'll go together!" Frylock snapped. "Come on!"

"So… can I stick around, with Dewey and Vanessa?" Meatwad asked, holding his dolls up.

Shake responds by kicking Meatwad.

"You're coming with us, you little turd!"

* * *

It was a time later, as the Aqua Teens were walking up the beanstalk.

"I'm bored…" Shake stated. "Let's go back down…"

"It's only been 10 minutes, Shake!" Frylock snapped.

"I'm bored!" Shake said.

"Come on, Shake!" Meatwad said as he rolled past the cup. "We got a gold egg nest waiting for us!"

"Hmm… I do like gold." Shake said to himself.

"Can we just go up the damned beanstalk already?!" Frylock questioned. "Sooner we get the gold, the sooner we pay off Carl and maybe actually make rent on time for once!"

"Forget that!" Shake said as he ran past Frylock, even slapping him briefly out of spite. "Imma get a condo!"

"And I'm gonna get a Spongebob bounce house and a Kim Possible action figure!" Meatwad said with childish glee.

Frylock, now left alone, just sighed with annoyance.

"Morons…"

* * *

It was an hour later, and the Aqua Teens were still only halfway there.

"Are we there yet?" Meatwad asked.

"No!" Shake and Frylock said.

* * *

Another hour later, the Aqua Teens finally made it to the top. There, to their surprise, they saw a structure. It's a castle made entirely of gold.

"No way…" Frylock gasped.

"Boom!" Shake went with a smug smile. "Castle in the sky! Like in Jack! Let's go!"

Shake made his way to the castle, walking on what may as well be a cloud. Meatwad followed along while Frylock rolled his eyes and floated towards the direction of the castle.

That's when the reach the giant's door.

"Aight… what now, Shake?" Frylock said. "How are we getting past this?"

Shake only laughed off Frylock's question.

"Allow me…" Shake said. He then looked up to the door. "HEY! JACKASS! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE!"

Frylock covered Shake's mouth.

"What the hell are you doing?!" He whispered harshly.

A large roar could be heard, getting their attention.

"What was that noise?!" Meatwad panicked.

"Oh my god…" Frylock muttered in horror. "There must be a giant here! We gotta-" He looked to see Shake was nowhere around. "Shake?!" He spotted Shake was hiding around the corner, cowering. "Seriously?!"

"I'm just waiting for when the giant makes his move!" Shake lied.

"And how exactly do you plan to make your move against a giant, Shake?" Frylock was quick to call Shake's cowardice you.

"Simple, I will use my great power to-"

The roar happened again and Shake quickly made a break for it. Frylock turned around and, as Meatwad rolled backwards, he moved in closer to the door.

"Hmm… I don't hear anything but those roars. No footsteps…" Frylock then fired his eye blasts and made a hole on the giant door. "Come on! Let's see where that sound is coming from."

Meatwad followed him with only one calm word.

"Okay…"

Shake followed as well, although he was slower and watching his step out of fear.

Inside, they find themselves in a living room fit for someone who is 5 stories.

"Huh… where's the giant?" Meatwad questioned.

"Good question, Meatwad." Frylock spoke. "What caused that roar?"

Shake's eyes darted towards something far in front of them.

"Is that… the golden egg?!"

There it was, a nest with a golden egg on a table.

"Huh… well I'll be damned. It is a golden egg." Frylock said.

Shake shoved him aside and ran towards the table.

"_Mine!_ It's mine! I saw it first!"

"Shake!" Meatwad called out. "No!"

"Dammit Shake!" Frylock quickly shouted. "What about the damned giant?!"

Shake stopped and looked around.

"Oh (WINDOW CRASH)! You're right!" He started going back, hiding behind Frylock. "You go! But remember! The egg is mine!"

Frylock groaned as he just hovered out in the open. "Okay! Giant?! Come out!"

The roar happened again. This time, they could hear where it came from.

"Did y'all hear dat?!" Meatwad said, not noticing Shake just ran away.

"Yeah, I did Meatwad." Frylock said as he was closing in to a door that was on the opposite side of the room. "It's coming from in there…"

Frylock hovered towards the door as Meatwad followed.

Meanwhile, with his roommates no doubt heading to the giant, Shake decided to take advantage of this and headed towards the nest with the golden eggs.

Once reaching the door, Frylock fired his eye blasts and blew a hole in the door. He and Meatwad entered.

Once they got in, they saw something horrifying.

It was the dead body of the giant, who was lying face up on the floor.

"That the giant?" Meatwad asked.

Frylock rolled his eyes.

"Gee, I don't know… is this guy who is much larger than a normal human a giant?"

Meatwad just paused.

"I don't know…"

"**Of course it's the giant!**" Frylock snapped. Meatwad started sobbing before Frylock sucked in some air. "Meatwad… I'm sorry, okay?"

Meatwad stopped and smiled.

"Okay… but, what happened to this old boy, here?"

"Good question…" Frylock hovered in closer. "And what roared?"

"Hey guys!" Shake could be heard shouting, though Frylock ignored him.

"Hmm… that's a lot of blood…" He thought to himself on the giant's apparent injuries. "Are these bite marks?"

Shake came in and called out to Frylock and Meatwad.

"Hey, boys! Look what I got!" Shake held up some of the golden eggs in his hands.

"Aw yeah, boy!" Meatwad congratulated Shake.

Frylock turned around and saw Shake, but he was too busy noticing something amiss.

"Shake, where's the goose that laid those eggs?"

"Probably off getting drunk to abandon her babies because Imma making millions off these babies!" Shake shouted gleefully.

* * *

The Aqua Teens were out the damaged door when the roar happened again. This time, Shake make a break for the door and Frylock looked around.

"What is that?!"

"Let's go, Frylock!" Meatwad shouted as he rolled past him. "Get to the damned beanstalk!"

Then, something flew above them. It landed in front of Shake before he could reach the beanstalk.

It was a large, golden, quadrupedal dragon.

"OH MY GOD!" Meatwad shouted. "IT'S A DANG DRAGON!"

"Oh my God…" Frylock whispered in horror.

The dragon only stared at Shake, snarling at him.

"Oh uh…" Shake looked to the eggs. "I'm just going to get these scrambled and made into omelets. Maybe you want some? I can make you some!" He pleaded.

He was too afraid to notice the dragon was getting angrier with his words.

It inhaled flames.

"Shake!" Frylock called out as he flew in between Shake and the dragon.

He fired his optic ice beams, colliding with the monster's dragon fire.

This went on as Shake ran off like the coward he was.

"You got it!" He gave faux-compliments to Frylock. "You got it!"

"Wait for me, boy!" Meatwad shouted, rolling to reach Shake.

Frylock did his best, but the fire pushed him back.

"Can't… hold… on!"

It was too much and he was pushed back.

Meanwhile, Shake and Meatwad went down the beanstalk.

Meatwad stopped and thought before a smile hit his face.

Then, to Shake's surprise, Meatwad began rolling faster.

"WHAT THE [DRAGON ROAR]?!"

"I'm a ball, boy!" Meatwad said as he began picking up speed and went faster and faster until Shake couldn't keep up with him.

Shake stopped and looked down at the eggs. He then heard a roar and was too scared to think any longer. So, he put the eggs down, all 8 of them, and they started rolling down. With that, he smiled.

"Now it's my turn." He then lied on the ground. "Roll!"

Nothing happened.

Shake got annoyed.

"Come on, damn it!"

"Shake!" Frylock, who was slightly burnt, came to him thanks to hovering. "The hell are you doing?!" The roaring returned. "Oh hell…"

Frylock forced Shake up and pushed him down.

"You fool! I'm trying to roll!" Shake stared. "Watch!" He got back on the beanstalk's floor. "Roll!"

Shake forced himself to roll. Then, to his and Frylock's horror, saw him fall off the beanstalk.

The dragon's roar made Frylock decide to forget Shake and just keep doing down.

* * *

"You're serious?" Carl asked Meatwad, who arrived safely some time ago with the eggs. "An actual dragon?"

"Aw yeah, Carl. It's a big old dragon." Meatwad answered as he held up an egg. "Anyway, here's one of the eggs… You wanna pawn it?"

Carl took one of the eggs and held it up.

"Hell yeah I'm gonna pawn it!" He laughed.

"OH GOD!" They heard Shake's call of pain. They look up and saw him hitting the sides of the beanstalk's path before hitting the ceiling of the Aqua Teen house and rolling off and hitting the ground. "Oh sure, now I roll!" He said while getting up and seeing the egg. He got angry. "No you don't! That is _my_ egg!"

"Shake!" Frylock shouted as he arrived from above. "You better help my chop this damned beanstalk down! Giant or no giant!"

Shake rolled his eyes before getting mad.

"Fine!" Shake ran off.

Then, to everyone's surprise, he came back with a chainsaw and started chopping the beanstalk down.

It then capsized and landed on Carl's house.

"WHAT THE HELL, CUP?!" Carl shouted while holding up an egg. "You damn well better let me have two of these damned eggs!"

Then, to Carl's surprise, the egg started cracking.

"What the hell?" Frylock questioned.

"Hey!" Shake turned off the chainsaw and ran up to everyone. "What's happening to my egg?!"

"Oh… I kept them inside me as I rolled down." Meatwad explained.

"Eww!" Shake went. Then he glared at Meatwad. "You damn sure better clean yourself off my damned eggs before I pawn them!"

"What the hell?!"

To the Aqua Teens' surprise, they saw the egg hatched. What was inside was no goose.

It was another dragon.

"A dragon!" Frylock said. "That means… that dragon is their mother!"

The baby dragon looked to Carl.

"The hell you lookin' at?!" Carl shouted at the dragon. The infant beast snarled its teeth at him. "Whoa! Wait a-"

He didn't have time finish as the dragon leapt onto his face and started biting him.

The Aqua Teens, staring in horror, moved back as the dragon baby started feeding on Carl's face while he screamed in horror.

The other eggs, next to Meatwad, began hatching more dragons.

"Oh hell…" Meatwad went as he moved back.

The dragons saw Carl and pounced onto him.

"GET THEM OFF ME!" Carl shouted as the dragons continued devouring his flesh.

"The giant must've taken the dragon's eggs and she came and killed him for it…" Frylock realized. "That means…"

The dragon's roar came back. The Aqua Teens were alerted.

"Did y'all hear that?!" Meatwad questioned.

"Ah hell!" Frylock shouted, realizing they stole her babies.

Shake ran back to the house.

"They did it!" He lied loudly.

"GET 'EM OFF ME!" Carl cried out before the dragons finished their feast, reducing him to just a bloody stain on the ground.

Then the dragon landed in front of the Aqua Teens, glaring down at them.

"Uh…" Frylock went, trying to think of what to say. "Hello… ma'am…"

"They did it!" Shake shouted, running out and pointing at Frylock and Meatwad. "They stole the eggs!"

The dragon looked down at them.

"Shake!" Frylock snapped at him.

"The round little meatball kept them wrapped up inside!"

"Yes, I may have incubated them…" Meatwad admitted with a kind smile.

The dragon went from glaring to surprised. And then, to the shock of Frylock and Shake, looked happy as it lowers its head and licked Meatwad playfully before nuzzling him.

"Well I'll be damned! She's mighty grateful that you hatched them, Meatwad." Frylock said with a smile.

"It was my idea!" Shake shouted, not trying to get between the dragon and Meatwad. "It was my idea to incubate!"

The dragon snarls at him, causing Shake to back off.

The baby dragons, flying off the devoured remains of Carl, fly around their mother. Happy to see her babies alive and flying around, the dragon then defecates in front of the Aqua Teens.

"Whoa! Damn!" Frylock went.

"Look!" Meatwad pointed to the dragon's turd. "It's a golden turd!"

"I think it's for you, Meatwad…" Frylock stated.

Shake, the greedy bastard he is, is not having it.

"No way!" Shake ran up to the turd. "It's mine!" He was about to touch it, but stopped. "After it hardens… that is. But otherwise, it's mind and mine alone!" Shake stated. "I'm the one who went up there and stole the eggs!"

The dragon, still there, snarls at him.

Shake looked up and remembered she was still here.

"Stole them from the fate of never being born, that is!" He lied.

"Yeah… he's lying." Frylock said.

"Totally lying." Meatwad agreed.

The dragon inhaled and readied to breathe on him.

"OH GOD NO!" Shake shouted before the dragon blasted him with flames.

Meatwad and Frylock, both horrified at Shake being burnt alive, move back.

"Damn…" Meatwad went.

Once it was done, Shake was left with burns all over his body.

He coughed up smoke.

"Ha! See?! I'm still-" His smugness ended as he saw the dragon knelt down and opened her mouth. "OH GOD NO!"

The dragon bit off Shake's upper half and started chewing.

Meanwhile, Meatwad and Frylock just watched in horror. It started to wear off and they began to look on nonchalantly. That is, until, the dragon spits out Shake's straw and hands, once again, surprising them.

The dragon swallows the part of Shake that it ate and roared into the sky.

Her babies landed on her back as she then extended her wings and flew upwards, returning to their home in the clouds.

With all of that done, Meatwad and Frylock looked to the remains of Carl, the piece of Shake that wasn't eaten, Carl's destroyed house, and the empty pool.

"So… can I use my gold turd to buy us a pool?" Meatwad asked.

"Of course." Frylock answered.

"Hot damn!" Meatwad went.

Clearly, neither of these two were even remotely sympathetic to Shake's death.

"Well… I'm going back to bed…" Frylock turned around and started hovering back to the house.

"So… aren't we gonna have to… you know… clean this mess up?"

"No."

Meatwad smiled.

"That's what I says, y'all!" Meatwad said as he began following Frylock. "You think we can find us a mermaid or Elsa next time?"

"Sure… what the hell? Why not?" Frylock answered in a flat tone.

* * *

**I had a storyboard project. I had to base it on a fairy tale. I would have done Aqua Teen Hunger Force, but I went with the Legend of Zelda. You can find my Zelda/Jack and the Beanstalk story on YouTube. Meantime, here's what I could have done.**

**Boy I miss Aqua Teen Hunger Force...**


End file.
